Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
