Swine flu. Run for my life!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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