margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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