Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
