i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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