Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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