i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This beer is not sobering me up at all
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
