Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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