and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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