Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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