dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
