How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
