My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
