fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
