I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
