I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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