You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
