Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
