He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
