I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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