Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
