the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
