We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
