He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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