He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
