Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
