No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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