"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
