i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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