i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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