If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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