My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
