i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
