I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
