My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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