college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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