remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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