We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
