Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
