Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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