i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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