just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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