OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
