just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
