oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
