I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
