Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
