I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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