I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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