i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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