im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
