I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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