I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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