So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
