where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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