He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
