She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
