You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize