My first STD was from a foam party
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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