There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's blow job season.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
