I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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