First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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