at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Randomize
