I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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