Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
