They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
